Tyler’s Story
Below are several important themes that have shaped my understanding of mental well-being and clarified my life’s mission to comfort people in pain and to help them heal emotional and psychological wounds. This is the (short) story of who I am, rooted firmly in the past, that empowers me to grow into the person I want to be. If you want help telling your story, check out Identity in Thinking Tools.
Growing through hardship
“Instead of possibilities, I have realities in my past, not only the reality of work done and of love loved, but of sufferings bravely suffered.” — Viktor Frankl
I grew up in a household with various mental illnesses lurking: one close family member struggled with PTSD from being drafted against his will into the Vietnam war, and another somewhat mysteriously became crushed in late middle age by debilitating anxiety and depression. For my part, I struggled with the anguish of hopelessness, the burden of (seemingly) futile advocacy, and the guilt of feeling powerless to help my loved ones. Dealing with county mental health services and other bureaucratic healthcare systems was a nightmare with which I became all too familiar. Nevertheless, with time and therapy, my family members found new meaning. Don’t get me wrong—no fairy-tale endings here! The struggles continued, but there was opportunity hidden in these hardships for us all to lead more meaningful lives than before. We’d each hit a different kind of rock bottom and had to grow our way out of the situation, like saxifrage flowers (Latin for “stone-breaker”), in unique and inspired ways. My heart aches when I think back on those times, but not in a discouraging way. I feel immense gratitude for what, through all the muck and grit, we’ve become capable of. I’m proud of those family members’ accomplishments. As for me, without those sorrowful times, I would not have so much clarity about my mission as a therapist. I believe we all have the power to grow something beautiful out of our life circumstances.
Looking for meaning and beauty
“Wisdom tells me I am nothing. Love tells me I am everything. And between the two my life flows.” — Nisargadatta Maharaj
I’ve been interested in philosophy my entire adult life—not the really abstract, skeptical stuff, but the kind that has to do with human beings making real decisions. While in school, I always tried to figure out how the things I was learning could be applied in a meaningful way. I read poetry and novels, philosophy, and religious texts interchangeably to see how they frame living a good life. As a classicist, I love learning ancient languages to fully appreciate the different terms in which ancient and distant peoples described the world and their experiences. As an interdisciplinary scholar, I believe that there is no essential antagonism between spirituality, the humanities, and the sciences. Although we can’t answer the big questions with certainty, it’s important to learn what we can in the right equilibrium. Some things are deeply mysterious, and that’s a good thing. To paraphrase, the Sufi poet Rumi, our eyes are small, yet they see vast things. Contemplating a mystery with intellectual humility, like gazing at a painting or landscape, can be an aesthetic experience that affords wonder and gratitude. I practice this myself both through meditation and through prayer. Aren’t we fortunate to have this chance to encounter beauty both in the outside world and in the inner world of our hearts and minds? It doesn’t matter to me whether a client prefers religion, spirituality, nature, or the sciences to get a better view of their place in the world, as long as it helps them see their value and purpose more clearly!
Recognizing privilege and sharing opportunity
“I would not have you descend into your own dream. I would have you be a conscious citizen of this terrible and beautiful world.” — Ta-Nehisi Coates
As a child, I was a product of my social context, blind to my White racial identity and ignorant of the social forces that made life easier for me than children of color in the very same neighborhoods and schools. As an adult, I acknowledge the unfair advantages and privileges associated with my identity and choose to stand in solidarity with those who have been disadvantaged and oppressed. I take responsibility for fighting systemic prejudice, division, and inequity and confronting oppressive ideologies like racism, sexism, and heterosexism. After college, I realized that if I was going to become the kind of therapist who could comfort people of diverse and complex identities when they were in pain, I would need to understand and deconstruct the privilege I’d been born into. I decided to set the books aside, as it were, and make myself vulnerable to situations and people who would hold me accountable. I chose to undergo training as a counselor at Adler University while doing social justice work in Chicago. Back in Iowa City, I have found opportunities to continue this work through activism in the community and raising awareness in educational contexts. Unfortunately, quality healthcare, food, and shelter are not accessible to many in our community. In addition to offering “traditional” psychotherapy on a sliding scale depending on clients’ ability to pay, I am committed to helping all clients find the material resources and other services they need to thrive.